Identity Crisis

But Moses said to God, “Who am I…?” (Exodus 3:11). 

I love the musical Les Misérables and have watched it many times. I know the story well and can therefore prepare emotionally for what’s coming next. But when Jean Valjean sings, “Who Am I?”, I cry every time. As he expresses so powerfully the inner turmoil he feels over his own troubled identity, the words and music penetrate to the very depths of my soul:

Who am I? Can I conceal myself for evermore? Pretend I’m not the man I was before? And must my name until I die be no more than an alibi? Must I lie? How can I ever face my fellow men? How can I ever face myself again? My soul belongs to God, I know, He gave me hope. When hope was gone He gave me strength to journey on. Who am I? Who am I?

The question of identity is as old as humanity itself. But answering this question today has become more challenging than perhaps at any other time in history. Carl Trueman suggests that the most striking characteristic of today’s understanding of what it means to be human is it’s “plasticity.”By this he means that modern men and women imagine that they can make and remake their personal identities at will (The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self. 2020). Whether we are talking about transgenderism, identity politics, ethics, or personal beliefs, people today believe they are free to create their own identities and write the script for the story their lives will follow. I sometimes want to ask such people, “How’s that working out for you?”

If anyone had a legitimate claim to experiencing an identity crisis it was Moses. His birth mother was Jewish. His adoptive mother was Egyptian. When he killed the Egyptian taskmaster, he was obviously trying to create his own identity. When that didn’t work, he fled to the desert and complicated things even further by marrying a Midianite (see Ex. 2). It is, therefore, somewhat comical that he named his first son Gershom (meaning “the alien”).

At eighty years of age, when Moses finally met God at the burning bush, the first question he asked was the one that had been churning deep in his soul for decades: Who am I? (Ex. 3:11). The story of how Moses discovered his true identity and, in the process, led the people of Israel from bondage to freedom, is one of the greatest stories in human history. For those today who are struggling with an identity crisis, Moses’ story is of transformational significance.

Moses is asking a universal question.

Moses did not choose his birth family or his adoptive family. He was not consulted concerning his ethnicity, gender, eye color, height, or even his name. These markers of his identity were given to him. Moses had to learn what every human must learn: our identity is shaped and determined by others (God, parents, culture, etc.). The modern idea that we can create our own identity is not only false; it is delusional, irrational, and ultimately blasphemous!

But this is where the story gets interesting. As children, growing into maturity, we begin to discover that although much of our identity has been predetermined, we are not robots. We may not be able to change our skin color, our IQ, or our biological sex, but we do indeed have a choice concerning other areas of our lives which play a huge role in defining the person we become. In other words, our identity is ultimately determined not by submitting to things that we can’t control, but rather by making strategic choices about things that we can!

The story of Moses highlights two areas where he not only had the freedom to choose, he had the obligation! These are choices that every person must make and they define our true identity more than anything else.

Who will be my God? Growing up in an Egyptian family, Moses was expected to worship the gods of Egypt. But at the burning bush, he chose to put his trust in the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. No choice he ever made was more important than this! In surrendering his life to the one true God, he discovered his true identity. In other words, he did not find himself by looking for himself! He found himself by losing himself in surrender to the One who had created him. Jesus described this reality when he said: “Whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matt. 16:25).

Who will be my people? Moses was a Third Culture Kid, that is, he grew up in a culture different from that of his biological parents. This created a bewildering mess of ambiguities, tensions, and pain. On many occasions, he must have groaned in agony; Who am I? But when he found his God, he was able to find his people. He “refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter, choosing rather to be mistreated with the people of God than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin” (Heb. 11:24-25).

It is important to recognize that when Moses asked the question, “Who am I?”, he was not standing in front of a mirror! Neither did he address his question to his parents, his wife, or his friends. He went right to the top and asked the only one in the universe who could ultimately answer his question. Tragically, most people today who are struggling with an identity crisis neglect what is most essential: asking their Creator to help them with the answer.

I Am Yours

 When we read the dialogue between Moses and God at the burning bush, at first, it doesn’t seem to make sense:

Moses’ question: “Who am I?” (Ex. 3:11). God’s answer: “I will be with you” (Ex. 3:12). What kind of an answer is that? Rather than responding to Moses’ identity crisis in terms of philosophy, theology, psychology, biology, or sociology, God answers his question by giving him the promise of his presence. But think about it. Scripture is telling us that Moses will find his true identity only as he develops his relationship with God. In other words, he will know who he is only when he knows whose he is.

Who am I? The singing of Jean Valjean enables us to capture the power of the question but it is the singing of the song "Who Am I" by Casting Crowns (2004) that enables us to capture the power of the answer:

I am a flower quickly fading / Here today and gone tomorrow / A wave tossed in the ocean / A vapor in the wind / Still You hear me when I'm calling Lord / You catch me when I'm falling / And You've told me who I am / I am Yours, I am Yours

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